No – no – no – that’s the only word that came to my mind last night for an hour and a half.
No, it can’t be. And yes – it were possible.
I thought it couldn’t get any worse – and yes, the worst is always possible.
I saw a theatre sinking – it’s worse than the Titanic. No, maybe not. But it’s in the spirit.
It lasted five hours.
Five hours of agony.
I ran away.
And the worst part is that I’m partly responsible for the shipwreck.
I keep saying: let me go get you young people. Do something fun for me. Stop with your old stuff that annoys everyone. I had forgotten Murphy’s Laws – when an order can be misunderstood, it will be misunderstood.
And that led to: YouTube this summer. Oh, my God. Videos over an hour long. 6 videos over an hour long.
And there I was already at the bottom of the abyss regretting having caused.
But who seriously launches on Youtube without knowing the codes?
Everybody “does their channel” – but they all suck, on the whole.
And if it’s a theatre that does that, but you sink into the dreadful. They put videos on Tutube, it’s so cool.
And yesterday… I’m always talking about associating artists with events, it’s true.
I broke the feet of the whole world so that at the presentation of the season, 4 years ago, they invited a girl – an opera singer I met in the streets of Barcelona – a girl with a voice that would make the whole world tremble – and I wanted her to perform some excerpts from the operas that were going to be performed.
Result: we took a serious artist – not a stray cat found on the street. That was okay. It wasn’t too funny, but he did, in his own way, present the upcoming shows.
And last night… It was a one-man show. It was comical. I mean, you know, it’s that humour where you say: but no, man, stop, you’re not funny at all. At what point does it make me fun to imitate a chicken? Especially if I’ve been appalled to death before? It was supposed to make us understand that if we have the fearful behaviour of chickens, then we would only get into trouble in life. Intellectual humour. It’s true that I developed an allergy.
And then there were 40 minutes of speeches by the politicians who paid for this theatre.
And then, all night long, we were supposed to watch the great Tutube videos made at the end of June.
I broke down badly.
But what hurt me the most was that there was nobody in the room. It was empty.
And yet, the tickets for once were free, it was the great party of the theatre which opens after 6 months.
Not a kitten.
Here are the lessons I learned:
The first one is to avoid the famous “belt and suspenders” trick. It is necessary to choose.
The season announced at the end of June via Youtube – ok, we’ve announced and we won’t do more.
The season announced mid-September in real life – ok, we won’t let go of the programming before then. What didn’t matter, everything was closed this summer, nobody could take places. So the public could have an interest in coming – like every year.
But doing both – giving the programming on the site – opening the ticket office in early September: why would the public come to see something they already know?
As for the few members of the public who were there, how many appreciated the treatment they received?
Seriously, they do this to me, they never see me again.
The show was clearly political – and it was clearly a moral lesson to the citizens of the city who, on the whole, voted badly in June. Behind that, there is the certainty that, in the theatre, there are only those who voted “well”. The others are fools, they’re not intellectuals, they haven’t read Spinoza (no, but the guy, he’s doing Spinoza’s trick – is he serious? At what point does he think he’s in a position to talk about Spinoza? to give us a moral lesson from Civilization IV?)
What does it do in a theatre? To present the shows for the coming year?
At that moment, I threw desperate glances at my buddy Francois to make him turn off the “hall” light so that I could run away. It wasn’t possible – I watched the whole thing. I was able to run away at the interval.
Lesson 1: choose and stick to this choice.
Lesson 2: don’t make politics – we don’t allow ourselves to attack people on the subject (maybe it’s very French?).
Lesson 3: knowing what you’re getting into – especially in the new media.
Lesson 4: don’t mix everything up – if you have to have a re-opening party, you have a re-opening party and don’t do anything else. It was better to do nothing.
– I’m the one writing this – yes, I’m the one writing this. I know it’s a horribly difficult exercise, you think about it beforehand. And it’s better to think well about it, as long as you think about it.
Lesson 5: no lame excuses – if a year has a program that scares the audience away, then the programming has to be changed – and so does the programmer. There was no one there. That’s no coincidence. All the clients received a “personalized” email inviting them to come and “support us”. The gut of the century.
I admit that I’m disgusted. I wonder what they would program in games – and in what games? I think I’d rather not know! Should I go back to my cave is the question I’ve been asking myself all day.