Check Point

Some news today
For the first time in months – more than a year for sure – I felt like I was breathing.
I finally had the ultimate confirmation – yes my son really is getting cured – even if it is a perverse and pernicious disease, even if to fight it you have to … well, it’s horrible … terrible to live and terrible to be only the witness – and how long it takes – but here it is, the second examination confirms the first one, I wasn’t enthusiastic for nothing, yes he is going to be cured and what weight I still had on my heart went away just now, with these last results.

Do I now have the courage to realize how much I have given up on this beautiful dream I named Altair?
I just managed not to bury it – not to cut the link completely.
But the rest – nothing – I did nothing for months and months, first because I couldn’t walk anymore, and second because I was too scared and too hurt to feel like dreaming.

I almost succeeded in writing the novel Altair – the story that will make my dream come alive without me and without any other reality than the imaginations of readers. First time Altair was brought to life – I wrote 4 parts and almost the whole 5th – and then everything went wrong.
I’m not going to ask myself if I’ll have the courage to go back and finish – I’m going to do it again.
if I wonder, I won’t have the courage.
So I won’t wonder.
The holidays are over, my son is truly saved, I’m picking up this novel again.

As for this Altair I’m writing for here – that one will wait a bit longer – I’m going to focus on earning enough money to be able to restart it – given the time I’ve already lost, losing a few more months to get funding for a few more essays seems reasonable.

As for me, ahlala, the pictures are terrible – I took my old age blow – which is not abnormal by the way since I’m getting older, ah ! – I’ll have to get used to it – is it really serious? no, not anymore.

No, it’s not important anymore.

What is important is that I can finally breathe.
That I can finally restart the little machines I’ve been imagining – Altair being the most beautiful and the most enormous of all my little machines.

The consequences of all this are: as of next week, I’ll be spending hours earning money – and as of now, the relaunch of the AT 47 book – that’s quite enough for me for the next few months. No ? Yes yes, that’s enough for littlehead

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11 Thoughts

    1. ❤ Merci !!! it's hard for me to answer, to really be there like before – but every word given is such a precious gift for me – thank you, from the bottom of my heart – du fond du coeur – means more something to me 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  1. I am so happy for you and your family. I can only imagine what it was like for you both. I have only one child, a son who is 38 and I don’t know how I would cope if something were to happen to him. I am so thrilled for your great news and your strength in going through this.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so, so much – you know, there is no “escape”, we are coping as best we can – trying to stay above water – but I’m not going to tell you that it’s an easy time, and that I find it “good” – no, no, I’m just waiting for my son to be like he used to be, and then I’ll try to forget about this horrible time … I’m not very strong – i “play” to be…. merci – bonne fin d’année à vous ❤

      Liked by 1 person

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