Way of Sheogorath.
Virtual Reality Experiences.
This experience is a joke.
The only thing that won’t be a joke is the price of the place.
And still – you might even find it almost funny, to have paid for it. Okay, you need a good bank account and a real sense of humor.
I’m serious when I talk about a joke – it will really be a joke – sold as such.
According to highly improbable rules of probability, slyly rigged or misguidedly failed algorithms – you’ve noticed that no one ever wonders if they’re well done? ooh algorithms have spoken, quickly follow the sacred word- while the last of the class in the faculty amphitheaters, there are some every year and they work afterwards. Sorry, well… ! I digress.
So according to the airin laws of mustache boxes, you’ll sometimes have a chance in this mode to attend a virtual reality show at the place of the Prince : Sheogorath.
If you’ve never heard of mustache boxes or Sheogorath – but honestly? – contact me by message, I offer you the information for a very reasonable price.
So, to counterbalance the incredible Epic moments of the 5 virtual experience modes imagined by myself, there will be an experience mode totally out of control.
I can’t tell you what will be in it. I can tell you that it will never be the same.
There will be: My good pleasure.
My good pleasure is as changeable as the clouds in the sky.
Sometimes I’ll find it entertaining to stick you under a sole. You will literally be on the carpet and your vision will be … alternative. I think I’ll avoid you the artist who spends his life dragging his feet – hmmm – well .. no, I don’t intend to deny myself options, even the dumbest ones.
The duster is a place that I find quite entertaining as well.
The technician’s headlamp – awesome – you’ll see …. a little.
The salad basket – why ? because.
The trunk key – everyone will want to steal you, isn’t that a nice prospect ?
The parrot I love.
The shower – I’m talking about light.
The floorboard – you never thought that poor floorboard would see with terror all those feet that come and smash it without even a little tear for it, did you?
The mouse – a real mouse – the mouse, I want it. Because of this unbearable, inescapable demand – repeated a thousand and one thousand times by a woman who is more of a Culbuto than a human being – to be accepted at every rehearsal in “I’ll be like a mouse, don’t worry Barbara” mode. So, a mouse – and a cat, otherwise there would be no game.
If you think it’s time to call emergency services, before witnessing live the sinking of my mind, I’ll tell you to pour yourself a little glass of wine & keep reading me, we are in the realm of fantasy tonight.
But it is a serious fantasy in a sense – that is, it has to be proposed and thought out seriously.
All madnesses have their logic and I will be no exception to this rule.
In the old days we used to talk about the Day of the Crazy for Carnival, and it was the very great and joyful Day of the Inversion.
So let’s invert.
You have chosen the mode: Derision.
You know it won’t be serious.
You’ve got your helmet on – and here we go.
You’ll be anywhere on the Altair stage and instead of trying to get in, you’ll have to get out.
I’ll let you imagine all the contortions you’ll have to do to escape from this insane asylum that you’ve recklessly ventured into. Don’t forget that you will be, really, at least for a minute, a feather duster – you will already have to figure out where you are.
Once you have managed to escape the madness that reigns on the stage as far as you are concerned, and have gained access to the outside of Altair, you will not be saved yet.
& obviously nothing will look like anything – if you really want to get out, remember that the reverse means “enter”. Enter? But where? You’re outside & it’s been hard to get out of those damn walls..
I’m pretty sure you’ve forgotten: my monsters from Bomarzo, my crystal balls, my 1900 rides, my machines from Nantes – that are supposed to hang out in the outskirts of Altair, so that the magic of life takes shape long before you enter the theatre. All this decor, all these animations, all these fantasies, of course will be your destinations – and yes you will become Alice – not sure that my country is the country of Wonders.
And you will have to find the key to the Outside World.
Which can’t be a real key.
Or, very rarely.
Or maybe often. Why follow the rules of mustaches? They are for real life, the rules of mustaches.
So you will be annoyed and mired in a kind of maze that will very logically allow us to exploit all this outdoor setting that I really care about. Variable and moving decor – that’s the fun of virtual elements, we can play with them endlessly.
And you’re going to find yourself pulling an ogre’s tooth – which must be the key out – ah no? Here – the ponytail, then – sure, sure. Well, neither. Maybe shaking the crystal ball? Still not? But how do we get out of this Hell?
Without wanting to reveal the final trick, let me tell you that all the madmen also get out of the door – but hey
Ah? you didn’t see the door?
But – as I am always and in spite of everything a nice girl – I don’t forget that any trip to the Land of Madness allows you to open your mind and win rewards forbidden to others.
In Oblivion, you win Croc du Matin – I don’t like its English name : a free translation would be : fang in the morning, fang in the evening, & that speaks for itself. It’s a totally cheated sword. A pure wonder.
What can we offer about “cheating”? Well, my goodness… my Legendary mode is difficult, isn’t it?
Especially the part that will look like a Super Monkey Ball course.
Especially if you understood that these courses, I’m going to use them to the maximum for e.sport tournaments.
So… no doubt it’s not a bad gift, the harness that prevents you from falling – a fake harness of course, a cheat code – a real harness in the sense that you can “put it on” and visualize it like any other quest object.
With this, you are sure to arrive in time for the e.sport tournament. And almost sure to live at least once a whole Legendary experience.
That’s it – Isn’t that wonderful ? Of course it is.
The whole game for us will be to identify surprising moments – quite strange places – amusing labyrinths: it is not a question of destroying the minds of our spectators, but of amusing them by proposing a totally unreal and quite real virtual reality. We’ll have to get out of there thinking that we’ve just spent ten stupid and funny minutes – and if we have to throw twelve chickens South to get out, we’ll throw twelve chickens, if we have to miss the target, we’ll miss the target.
But – moreover – for this mode, it will be very, very important to accompany our spectators with a voice-over/or a non-player character who accompanies and comments, as it is done in almost all video games – which allows both to maintain the fun side and to orient (still) the spectator/player so that he plays and doesn’t really go crazy.
I told you : it’s wonderful.
Featured Image : Shivering Isles – Huge Daedra Portal – an Oblivion DLC – Bethesda